Energizing with Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is critical for caregivers, for without it we are left to our own detrimental judgment. Self-compassion is the kindness we show to ourselves. It is allowing ourselves to feel our emotions without self-condemnation.

Somehow caregivers seem to believe the unrealistic notion that embracing our emotions is weakness. That we must constantly be strong. Unwavering. In reality, properly embracing our emotions to move forward with renewed vigor minimizes caregiver burnout. This poem by Siv Goulding aptly encapsulates the deep need for caregiver self-compassion.

Fulfilling a promise,

toiling through thin and thick.

Commitments abounding

to family, friends, work and all.

No time to smell roses or savor the sunset.

Feelings suppressed, from dreams unfulfilled,

Intimacy shattered and memories erased,

friendships faded and love encaged.

Release yourself from frustration and anger.

Release yourself from the burden of guilt!

Let the tears roll free, to let out all the sadness.

Give others a chance to share in the care,

a chance to give back before it's too late.

Link up with the world,

refresh your perspective.

Dare caring for you, both your body and soul.

Release yourself to be who you are,

with dreams to fulfill while able and strong.

Embrace your life, the gift you were given,

you are not to be blamed for your loved one's decline.

Renewed, you can blossom,

freed up from the burden of guilt and despair.

Reborn, love can flourish,

and your care can become a blessing to share.

There are many benefits to embracing self-compassion, including reduced stress, mental clarity, emotional well-being, and physical strength. Self-compassion softens the mistakes we inevitably make as caregivers. It is also the link to lessen our internal response to the emotional strain of caregiving.

Self-compassion is a viable coping mechanism to release our tension from the constant barrage of verbal and emotional onslaughts. Self-compassion is our fuel that re-energizes you on your caregiving journey.

“Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.” — Christopher Germer

Three Ways to Energize with Self-Compassion

 

1.     Accept

One of the most profound, releasing, and extremely difficult aspects of caregiving is to accept the decline in your loved one due to disease. I can sense your rebuttal—I am not giving up! He/she is not that bad. Acceptance of decline is not giving up. It is acknowledging that life is different than it used to be. There are limitations that were not previously present. Conversations that once were, are no more.

When my loved one’s emotional disengagement began to heighten, I was devastated to say the least. Words escape me to convey the depth of despair I experienced. After months of condemning introspection, disdain for my body, and intense sadness I began to accept the emotional disengagement as an impersonal disease process. I still miss the emotional connection, but I no longer expect it. This shift in thinking was the key for me to connect on a different level, to move forward in adaptation, and to experience personal peace.

“It is a beautiful experience being with ourselves at a level of complete acceptance. When that begins to happen, when you give up resistance and needing to be perfect, a peace will come over you as you have never known.” – Ruth Fishel

2.     Acknowledge

Self-compassion is not the absence of emotion nor is it repressing emotion. Let’s face it. Caregiving is a rewarding, emotional roller coaster. We experience love, grief, joy, sadness, happiness, anger, frustration, doubt, fear—a whole gambit of emotions on a continuous cycle. Ignoring these feelings, minimizing their presence, or pushing them down inside only serves to weaken you physically, mentally, and emotionally. Acknowledge that it is appropriate to experience grief, anger, fear, and frustration. Acknowledge that all your emotions—positive and negative—are valid. Let yourself appropriately release these emotions. In so doing, you will be free.

“Painful feelings are, by their very nature, temporary. They will weaken over time as long as we don’t prolong or amplify them through resistance or avoidance. The only way to eventually free ourselves from debilitating pain, therefore, is to be with it as it is. The only way out is through." – Kristin Neff

3.     Alleviate

Emotions need release in a healthy manner. Without release, emotions build up over time and eventually spill out, leaving a trail of destruction. Have a good cry. Scream into a pillow. Talk to a friend. Go for a nature walk. Try deep breathing exercises. Talk yourself down. Repeat a positive mantra. Try yoga. Join a support group. Find an outlet. Be compassionate to yourself. Give yourself permission to alleviate stress. In so doing, you are a better person and caregiver.

This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.” — Kristin Neff 

Bob Marley and the Wailers released “Three Little Birds” as a single in 1980. Better known as “Every Little Thing is Gonna be Alright,” this beloved song with its catchy tune is a reminder of the futility of worry. Accept, acknowledge, and alleviate your emotions knowing that everything works out for your good.

Don't worry about a thing

'Cause every little thing gonna be alright

Singing' don't worry about a thing

'Cause every little thing gonna be alright

Rise up this mornin'

Smiled with the risin' sun

Three little birds

Pitch by my doorstep

Singin' sweet songs

Of melodies pure and true

Saying', (this is my message to you)

Singing' don't worry 'bout a thing

'Cause every little thing gonna be alright

Singing' don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing

'Cause every little thing gonna be alright

Karen Leeman

Founder of Caregiver2Caregiver and Resonate Skincare

"Nourish your soul, nourish your skin"

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This series of Wellness Wealth explores various modalities of health for unpaid caregivers. Your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health are immensely important and yet overwhelmingly overlooked due to the enormous demands placed on you while caring for your loved one. The Wellness Wealth series explores avenues of self-care that require minimal time, effort, and expense while offering tremendous stress-reducing results. This blog is not medical advice. Please consult your physician for medical or mental health conditions.