The Christmas Holidays – Jolly or Melancholy?

Five Perspective Shifts for Caregivers for a Joyous Christmas Season

The Christmas holidays . . . they invoke love, warmth, giving, and family. The holiday season can also be bittersweet – perhaps you have suffered a recent loss, broken families, financial instability, or unrelenting caregiver stress. Do you find yourself struggling during this season? Is it less jolly than you like? Read on to for my story and lessons I have learned.

With the Christmas season here, my mind is filled with precious memories. I remember as a child our family’s silver Christmas tree with the rotating light. I loved to sit in the living room with only the mesmerizing light turning the Christmas tree yellow, orange, red, green, and blue. And for years, every Christmas Eve we would gather with extended family at my maternal grandmother’s house. The house was filled with chatter, music, and laughter. Such pleasant memories.

In my adult life during our child-rearing years, I recall driving home to our parents every year. Celebrating with family is what made Christmas special. It is not the gift giving that I recall as much as the warmth of family and the memories created. Throughout the year my mom would frequent auctions. To buy a particular item of interest she would often have to buy an entire box of items. It became a tradition at Christmas time to gift us with these trivial little items – a box of scrap paper, meaningless trinkets, various odds and ends. We laughed and laughed. I still smile now at the fond memory.

Change seems to be a given in life. Throughout the years, I have experienced a great deal of change. My parents have passed on. My in-laws are in a facility. We don’t have family gatherings like we used to. With loss, family fracture, and distance I spent many Christmas seasons having a sense of heartache, emptiness, and despair. Feelings of guilt, lack, and negative self-talk quenched my spirit and that of the holiday season. And care giving for the declining health of my loved one has served to heighten these complicated feelings. It would be sad if the story ended here. Thankfully, I found insights that changed my thinking and perspective making the holiday season a joyous time.

Go With the Flow.

Take a cue from nature. Despite all the upheaval and uncertainty in the world today, nature continues it beautiful, mystical cycle. The leaves turn gorgeous shades of purple, red, orange, and yellow. And as those colorful leaves rain to the ground, the earth is enriched with their decay. The stately trees enter what appears to be in our eyes a period of rest for the winter only to emerge with buds of new life in the spring followed by full bloom in the summer. As this cycle continues endlessly, so do our own cycles. We experience cycles of grief and joy, guilt and peace, frustration and calm, uncertainty and assurance. Each season is temporary and has a purpose. If you are feeling melancholy this holiday season, know that this is normal and will pass. One should never remain in any given cycle. We are meant to move through them growing more deeply with each cycle.

Receive the Gift of Completeness.

The Christmas holidays, it seems, are meant to be enjoyed with family. Smiling, happy families are portrayed in movies, advertising, and seemingly everywhere. What do you do when that is not the case for you? For many years, I struggled with guilt and shame at the discord in our family. Life in general, and the holidays in particular, was plagued with loneliness and grief. Only recently have I begun to truly love myself, to be content with who I am regardless of the decisions and opinions of others. If you resonate with feelings of guilt, blame, and shame; forgive yourself. Know that you did the best you knew at the time. You cannot change the past, or what should of or could have been done. Just move forward. Know that you are enough. You are complete.

Make New Memories.

Time is not static. Relish the pleasant memories. Banish bad memories. And make new memories. Maybe skip the traditional meal and instead have soups, tacos, or pizza. Or organize a progressive dinner party. Buy a game for the family and play it on Christmas day. Have a white elephant gift exchange. The options are endless!

Volunteer Your Time.

What better way is there to enjoy the festive holiday season then to give of your time. And there is ample opportunity to volunteer. Do you know a shut-in? Offer to bring a meal. Visit the elderly in facilities (with proper permission of course). Volunteer at a hospital. Provide respite to parents at a children’s hospital. Offer to gift wrap. Pass out cookies. The opportunities are endless. Volunteering you time is an expression of gratitude. And gratitude has a vibrational frequency – a resounding feeling – equal to that of love. So, give your time; give yourself.

Simply the Holidays.

The holidays can be stressful and packed so full of events that the joy is lost. I am a big fan of simplicity. I prefer to give one meaningful gift as opposed to several gifts of lesser meaning. We have also pared back our meal. And I do most of the meal prep ahead of time so that I can enjoy being with family and friends or just relaxing. Have some pie and coffee. Sip some cocoa by the fireplace. Play a game. Watch a movie. There are numerous ways to enjoy the holidays simply.

My hope is that these insights or others that you are inspired to create, will make the Christmas holidays a joyous time for you. From my caregiver heart to yours - Happy holidays to you!

Karen Leeman

Author, Speaker, Founder

Resonate Skincare | Soul Care

Nourish you skin | Nourish your soul

Resonateskincare@gmail.com

https://www.Facebook.com/Resonateskincare

With nineteen years in the business professional workforce while simultaneously caregiving for loved ones, my personal experience of fatigue, loneliness, guilt, blame, and shame took a toll on my health and mental well-being. In my search for help, I began to understand that loving myself is the critical component. Truly loving myself for who I am; not what others want me to be. Out of this experience, a passion for selfcare – pure, inward transformation – ignited and shifted my thinking about who I am and my caregiver experience. I am grateful to share these truths and practices with the more than 53 million unpaid caregivers in the United States. My hope is that you, too, will Nourish your Soul! Please leave a comment and a review.

Disclosure: This blog provides general information and discussions about selfcare and related subjects. The information and other content provided in this blog, or in any linked materials, are not intended and should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional medical expertise or treatment. If you or any other person has a medical concern, you should consult with your healthcare provided or seek other professional medical treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something that you have read on this blog or in any linked materials. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately.