Three Pathways to Stillness

Do you feel the push and pull—needs of your loved one, family needs, job pressures, financial woes, opinions of others, medical concerns, physical strain, responsibility upon responsibility?

The strain is constant.

Despite the joy of caregiving, it is no wonder that caregivers are at risk for disease, depression, and decline in mental and emotional health. To combat these effects, research indicates the value for unpaid caregivers to have adequate sleep, exercise regularly, eat a healthy diet, and maintain meaningful relationships.

I wholeheartedly agree and advocate the prerequisite of regularly quieting the mind.

Rooting the mind in stillness and being grounded in self-love enables sleep, exercise, nutrition, and friendship to initiate from the heart rather than from a sense of duty or even guilt. Our thoughts merely cycle by like dandelions floating in the air. Which ones you grab onto and how you perceive them is your choice.

“If you can’t control your mind, everything and everyone else will.” – Dr. Joe Dispenza

Apart from controlling thoughts—not the absence of thought but choosing which ones to allow into the mind—thoughts will whip you about like the destruction of tornadic wind. Chronic caregiver stress weakens the body leading to burnout, a weakened immune system, and depression. Quieting the mind is the gateway to stress relief.

“Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.” – Hermann Hesse

Three Pathways to Stillness

1. MINDFULNESS

Mindfulness is not the absence of doubt, fear, or negativity. Mindfulness is not about eliminating or controlling thoughts. Mindfulness is about stillness. It is giving space to the myriad of thoughts without judgement or criticism. It is acknowledging the present moment—not taking a present thought into the past or into the future. For example:

• I cannot take much more! I am stressed to the max! (present moment)

• My loved one cannot help it. I feel guilty for being so stressed. (assigning judgement/criticism)

• I knew caregiving was not for me. I have done such a lousy job of caregiving. (taking the present thought into the past)

• I do not have what it takes to continue caregiving. My loved one deserves better. (taking the present thought into the future)

This is a common thought scenario. The key is to recognize the thought. Avoid judging yourself for having these thoughts. It is quite natural. It is only a thought—neither positive nor negative.

Just a thought.

Only when meaning—judgement or criticism—is assigned to the thought, does the thought

become problematic.

When the mind wanders assigning meaning to thoughts – and the mind will wander – simply recognize it and redirect the thought back to a non-judgmental state. And the beauty of this practice is that it can happen virtually anywhere, anytime. A dedicated time or space is not required for mindfulness making it accessible to caregivers.

To begin a mindfulness practice, implement these techniques:

Take deep breaths. Deep breathing relaxes the body and resets emotional responses reducing stress and anxiety. Utilize loving kindness. Speak kindly to yourself. Give yourself a break. Realize that you are heroic and extraordinary, and you need time to reframe.

Practice gratitude. Gratitude is the quickest way to raise your awareness. The practice of gratitude need not be complicated. Even expressing gratitude for something simple, like the smell of coffee, shifts the mindset and opens the pathway for increased gratitude.

Remember, regularly practicing mindfulness keeps you grounded, rooted, and calm while caregiving. Make it a part of your life.

“The body benefits from movement, and the mind benefits from stillness.” – Sakyoung Mipham

2. MEDITATION

Meditation is a powerful practice for calmness and physical relaxation. Further, meditation reduces the feeling of loneliness and depression. Its healing properties have a therapeutic effect on the mind, attributing to increased health and reduced stress. Additional benefits of meditation include:

• Improved emotional well-being

• Stress management

• Reframed mind

• Increased creative solutions

• Reduced anxiety, sleep issues, and tension headaches

Meditation need not be a time-consuming practice. Feel free to explore the infinite techniques and practices of meditation. Personally, I prefer a guided meditation via YouTube or a similar modality. Ten to thirty minutes works for me to set my mind for the day. Meditation is life changing if you let it be. Avoid the tendency to meditate then go about your day as though you never meditated. Let the meditation sink into your thoughts and behaviors throughout the day. In this way you will fully experience the mental and

emotional well-being aspects of a daily meditation practice.

“We can’t always change what’s happening around us, but we can change what happens within us.” – Andy Puddicombe

3. AFFIRMATIONS

Affirmations are simple, positive statements. Similar to mindfulness and meditation, affirmations serve to shift the mind’s focus creating a healthy, wholesome environment for caregivers to lean into and to serve from. Affirmations train the mind to shift focus from negative to positive. These positive statements imbue confidence, settle the mind, establish a grounded foundation on which to perform caregiver duties, reframe perception, and create an empowering environment.

Like meditation, affirmations need not be a time-consuming practice. Write your own affirmations or explore the endless online avenues. Personally, I prefer the use of YouTube early in the morning. Twenty minutes or so of affirmations to start my day, set the tone for the day. And like meditation, affirmations are not merely nice positive sayings for a warm, fuzzy feeling. They benefit little when the remainder of the day is spent ruminating on negative self-talk. Let these affirmations infuse your mind. Return to them

often throughout the day. Having a rough moment? Take a break. Go to a different room where you can reset your well-being with positive affirmations.

To start, here are a few affirmations designed specifically for caregivers:

• I take time, without guilt, to refresh my soul, my spirit.

• I speak kindly to myself.

• I live in the moment. My past is gone and does not define me.

• I am capable of any challenges that come my way.

• My thoughts are powerful, imbuing my inner reality and creating my outer reality.

“It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.” – Claude M. Bristol

Take control of what happens within you. Give yourself the delight of stillness.

Karen Leeman

Founder of Caregiver2Caregiver and Resonate Skincare

"Nourish your soul, nourish your skin"

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This series of Wellness Wealth explores various modalities of health for unpaid caregivers. Your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health are immensely important and yet overwhelmingly overlooked due to the enormous demands placed on you while caring for your loved one. The Wellness Wealth series explores avenues of self-care that require minimal time, effort, and expense while offering tremendous stress-reducing results. This blog is not medical advice. Please consult your physician for medical or mental health conditions.