What is Success?
- Karen Leeman
- Nov 17, 2022
- 5 min read
Updated: Dec 13, 2022
What is Success?
Success conjures up a vast array of images – fame, wealth, prestige, a polished persona, beauty perfection, Fortune 500, the select few. Merriam – Webster describes success as “a desired outcome; the attainment of wealth, favor or eminence.”(1)
Success – is it seemingly for the minority? A select few who “make it to the top”? What about the vast majority who are valued employees, loving spouses, parents, volunteers, problem solvers, planners, schedulers, transportation experts, counselors, coaches, . . . each and every day? And what about the “approximately 43.5 million caregivers [who] have provided unpaid care to an adult or child in the last 12 months.” [National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP. (2015). Caregiving in the U.S.](2)?
I propose a more realistic, simplistic approach where success means to be unencumbered. To be free to move forward; to advance without impediment; free from being burdened or weighed down(3).
In life generally and for caregivers, how is this possible? We are bombarded daily with expectations and responsibilities that often weigh us down mentally, emotionally, and physically inhibiting the expression of ourselves. So, let’s take a quick overview on two areas of success to be unencumbered.
Our Thoughts
Do you ever talk to yourself? I do it all the time. I tell myself things like “remember to take that thing downstairs on your next trip.” Or “better make a note of the grocery item before you forget.” Gee, I hope I am not the only one who does that. But more recently, I have been enamored with disempowering self-talk.
“I am so tired.”
“I don’t like myself much.”
“I need to eat chocolate and junk food to energize me.”
“I have little to offer the world to make a difference.”
“When my circumstances change, then I will be better.”
Wow, I had not realized the amount of negative self-talk I fed myself daily! So, how do you become unencumbered in your thoughts? First, begin to recognize your self-talk patterns. Make a mental note or keep a journal. You will be amazed. Second, start changing the self-talk. I ran across a Facebook post from Healthy Holistic Living (@findyoursunshinetherapy) that spoke volumes to me and helped bridge the perceived dichotomy between my self-talk and my reality.
You are resilient and need a break.
You gave your all and need to back out.
You are independent and still need others.
You were unsure and things changed.
You are kind and have boundaries.
Others have it worse and your pain is valid.
You did your best and now you know more.
(Note the use of the word “and” which has a more positive connotation than the word “but”.)
As caregivers, in particular, your world is immense with the ever-changing landscape of responsibilities and the desire to care give; and diminutive in relation to time and self-reflection. Changing your self-talk is not time consuming. You can experience an unencumbered life, a measure of success, by implementing this practice moment-by-moment. Replace your self-talk with empowering statements of confirmation and reality.
Our Self-Perception
Today’s culture boasts an unrealistic view of self-perception. Flat-stomached, tanned, toned women. Smiling, carefree. Long flowing, curly hair. Perfection. And similar for men – muscular, toned, the epitome of manhood. Just consume this beverage and the weight will melt off. Do this one exercise and you will have toned abs. Take this supplement and see immediate results.
So, in reference to self-perception, how does one become unencumbered?
First, choose to retain your power.
“I was always going to let someone down, so I decided it wouldn’t be me anymore.” - Unknown
It is easy to unknowingly relinquish power. It sneaks upon us in the most unassuming ways. Time does not allow an exhaustive discussion on this topic, so let’s look at one area - people pleasing. A seemingly desirable trait – certainly serving others is noble. People pleasing, however, gives power to everyone but yourself. Your power is relinquished by placing prominence on the opinion of others. Retain your power by validating yourself; then serving flows freely with freedom. Know that your are enough with or without the approval of others. Stand alone firmly rooted in your own worthiness simply – a worthiness that is separate from your past, your thoughts. Then you are unencumbered free to serve others out of your own expression.
Second, chose to retain your presence.
“Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.” – Christopher Germer
The demands of caregiving leave little time for oneself. An hour at the gym, eating healthy all the time, my own selfcare – all things we should do but seemingly out of reach when juggling career, family, children, finances, shopping, cooking, and caregiving to name just a few. Retain your presence and live unencumbered by taking moments of time for yourself. Simplify your selfcare into simple, manageable moments. For me, I enjoy an hour of quietness in the morning while preparing for work. With minimal light or candlelight, I listen to a meditation or teaching, focus my mind, reset my emotions, and energize my spirit all while preparing for the day. It could be a twenty minute walk in nature or a relaxing bubble bath. Use Resonate Skincare facial products not just as a skin routine but as a reflective, intimate way of caring for yourself. What better way to express selfcare than to nourish your largest, most visible organ – your skin. Whatever works for you – and don’t listen to the negative talk forming right now all the reasons why this is not possible. The point is to set your intention, set your boundaries, and give yourself grace to retain your presence.
Be free to move forward. Advance without impediment. Make a practice to live free from being burdened or weighed down. Start small. Practice daily. Start again. Give yourself grace and experience the success of being unencumbered moment by moment.
Article Written By
Karen Leeman, Owner of Resonate Skincare
www.resonateskincare.com
This blog provides general information and discussions about selfcare and related subjects. The information and other content provided in this blog, or in any linked materials, are not intended and should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional medical expertise or treatment. If you or any other person has a medical concern, you should consult with your healthcare provided or seek other professional medical treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something that you have read on this blog or in any linked materials. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately.
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